There was not enough room in the Inn, so Jesus had to be born in a manger. But the greatest room there is to man is the room for improvement. In order words, there is always enough room in the Inn of Self-improvement. Self-improvement is the decision and actions taken by an individual for the betterment of himself. It involves consciously and conscientiously working on aspects of your life in a way that ultimately makes you a better you (not necessarily better than me). Self-improvement will require that you pick up new skills and attributes but jettison the old ways of doing things that gave you the results that have now been found wanting. It is heart work, head work and hard work. Your head, your heart and your limbs work in tandem for a better outcome. It demands a change in outlook.
First the person must realize and acknowledge the need for improvement on certain areas of his life. Then he goes out of his comfort zone to make these changes happen. Let nobody deceive you, it takes gut and an acceptance of the inadequacy of status quo to even consider working on self-improvement. It demands discipline, determination, and commitment to follow through. Think about a decision to lose weight and all it could cost you…gymn membership, change in schedules, change in eating habits, change in sleeping patterns etc. You want to change your career; you may have to stay up late reading. You have to do assignments and take instructions even if you don’t like your professor. You put up with what you don’t like until you get the result you want. Jesus, for the crown that awaited him, endured the cross.
What tends to happen is that people are quick to see all the issues with someone else but none of the issues with themselves. When you have a problem, everybody around you is a doctor, prescribing and recommending remedies faster than you could get them. Flip it over, those people would not remember to recommend for themselves any of the measures they recommended for you. Even when someone else recommends it for them, they would be reluctant to try them.
Nobody improves what is perfect. But we are far from perfection. If you think you do not need self-improvement, you probably need it more urgently than anyone else. A professor was accused of refusing to give his students 100% in exams even when the students did not miss any of the questions. The best you get from this professor was 95%. When students questioned him about the remaining 5%, he said that is a reminder for you that there is room for improvement. By the way, you do not need 100% to make a distinction. I think the professor is correct. We need to be reminded that we could be better, and we could do better. Good is not good enough! When I moved to Texas ten years ago my boss told me, ‘Mezie, get going…you will make mistakes on this job’. She was right…I have made my own share of mistakes, but I have gotten better and better over the years because I chose to self-improve.
A couple was said to always argue over some issues. But they were sincere in their opinions even though some of those individual opinions were weird, but they were open to corrections. As soon as one realizes that the other was correct, s/he would give up his/her opinion and follow through with the superior argument. There was no remorse and no feeling of ‘how can s/he always be correct?’ Even though they are both sincere, sometimes you are sincerely wrong. To be able to improve yourself, even when you believe you are doing everything right, you have to accommodate the possibility that you could be sincerely wrong.
You cannot improve if you are always right. You cannot improve yourself if it is always the other persons fault. Even if the other person is wrong, there is also a wrong way to respond to a wrong deed. If you tell yourself this widespread lie that ‘I am the best’ or ‘I am very smart’ or ‘I deserve this and that’ or ‘I am better than you’, you do yourself great disservice. Those who compare themselves with others are not wise…and those who compete are not wise either. Competition is not what life is about.
Sometimes people compete for all the wrong reasons. Life is not sport. Even in sports, you have not got the spirit of sportsmanship if you must win all the time. My two daughters learned this lesson the hard way last year during their volleyball season. Although they both finished best players in their respective teams, one lost most of the games and won a few while the other won most of the games and lost a few. The one that lost more quickly learned how to deal with the feeling of loss and the one that won most of the game cried like a baby the day she lost.
When they were rewarded, the one that lost more games seemed to have gotten more trophies than the one that won more games and she thought that was not fair, she should have gotten more gifts for winning more games. Well, first life is not fair. Second, you were in different teams, third, you won more games and she got more trophies so that balanced out. Wouldn’t it have been unfair if you won more games and got more trophies? You see the argument? You got more of wins and more days of happiness feeling groovy and she got more of trophies to console her for the days of loss and feeling like a failure…
Here in America people say ‘ I am very competitive’. What does that mean? They are self-absorbed, want to win at all costs even when nobody is actually minding them, and they put themselves under unnecessary stress and pressure trying to maintain status. That is not self-improvement. It is self-aggrandizement. Competitive people could get consumed in bitterness from failing to win…and it could ruin their relationships. Most competitive people care most about I, me, and mine….you cannot always win, sorry if that is hard for you to accept. Most relationships fail due to unnecessary competitions. The best way to compete is to compete with yourself…measure yourself against yourself, and reward yourself for incremental changes. You ran 5 miles yesterday and today you ran 6 miles…20% increase…be happy. Do not you worry about Joe who runs 10 miles…don’t kill yourself trying to prove a point. All this nonsense about what a wo/man can do….don’t we see the impact on families? Don’t the children suffer? The fowl that a poor man has is his cow…celebrate what you can achieve and do not kill yourself for what you cannot especially when you have put in your best. Everybody has a different ‘personal best’.
You want to stay in your lane and try to be better than the person you were yesterday. That is the way to go and that, my friend, is the way to motivate yourself. Stop looking at my plate, mind yours. Stop competing with your neighbor who is not competing with you. Do not be the architect of your own calamity. There is enough room in the inn…set your goals and work on yourself and be better than good. Our generation can take better from you than the good you have offered so far. Even if you are the world’s best pilot, there is room for improvement. You have not flown into the sun yet. Enough said !
Mezie Okolo is a leadership analyst and freelance @ www.mezieokolo.com